Colinette Parisienne

The eight things I'd take to the moon if I were going to the moon and could only take eight things

1. Mass driver
2. Books
3. A (very) long-range radio
4. Yarn
5. Needles
6. Slippers
7. Sushi
8. A small brass cannon

Mr & Mrs Smith

There's nothing particularly ground-breaking about the setting for Mr & Mrs Smith. Marriage/relationship sitcoms are an obvious staple of both TV and radio comedy, often with some rather forced twist on the family setup to make things interesting.

Mr & Mrs Smith doesn't have any unnecessary nonsense, nor the tacky punned title that I think it might get if it were a TV sitcom, it's just about a recently married couple going to counselling. The pilot was aired last week and the full series began on Tuesday.

It's a little difficult to have an opinion on the programme without having an opinion on the relationship between Will and Annabel because it forms the basis of the whole thing. I can't be the only listener secretly playing therapist during the episodes. The jokes are funny but there's also a secret pleasure in having a window on a relationship that's clearly in trouble, it's like the top-quality gossip you get to hear about your best friend's boyfriend's sister and her terrible love life, only in half-hour packages without the guilt.

In Annabelle, geeky Will has clearly bagged a normal (to quote the IT crowd). He needs to get back early from their romantic break to see Avatar and he claims to speak three languages: schoolboy French, conversational Klingon and Elvish. I have met a LOT of Wills. By contrast, Annabelle has more usual - if blown-out-of-proportion - concerns like impressing people at work and getting upgrades at the hotel.

I don't think it will surprise anyone that I find myself identifying far more with Will than with Annabelle. What worries me is that I'm not sure I'm supposed to, I don't think he's intended to be the reasonable one in the relationship. But I think this gets to the heart of the one issue I have with Mr & Mrs Smith: I just can't understand how these people would be married. Dating, yes. Engaged, maybe. But married? I don't buy it, I can't see what they possibly have in common.

I know a lot of geeks and the one thing we don't do well, if at all, is hide our geekiness. It might be possible to date a person for a short time without encountering the sort of obsession and social awkwardness that Will has but it usually comes to the surface pretty quickly. So, with that in mind, I can't understand how a 'normal' like Annabelle would have married someone like Will, only to almost constantly find fault with him after the fact. What happened to loving people because of their faults rather than in spite of them?

Anyway, once you've bought into the premise that Will and Annabelle are married, Mr & Mrs Smith is entertaining and well worth a listen. I'm particularly curious to see if it'll make it to a second series or whether Annabelle will just run off with the multi-lingual, jet-setting therapist.

A Little More Fascinating

Today's knitting has consisted entirely of Winterthorn 3 but I have been able to get some passable photos and do some felting.

A couple of days ago I got round to casting off prototype 2 of the fascinator. The main aim of prototype (or proof of concept?) 2 was to get the size sorted and - as soon as I'd cast off - it was very clear that it was all it would do. Because it's square. And it's not meant to be square.


This is a fascinator. Really. Trust me.


I once made a scarf where I entirely failed to understand the geometry of what I'd made. I wanted long, pointy triangles yet somehow I was very surprised when I ended up with some very odd, right-angle-y triangles. That really should have taught me to at least think about where my increases would be.

Still, all that matters is that I can check the size. I have a whole other ball to get the shape right. And, once an entirely pointless load of washing was done, it didn't look too bad.

I did try twisting it round into a few different shapes but this was the most promising. Promising yet square.

Unfortunately the little curl is a bit too small to fit the contrasting bit I've already knit but that's because it's actually ridiculously big. I think I'll be trying to make up another load to felt a new contrasting curl for the centre.

Where would I be without T pins?

It's now blocking in a desperate attempt to stretch if from a square into something a little more fascinator-shaped.

I'm quite looking forward to decorating it with some of that weird netting and beads to see if I can make it remotely attractive. I'm not certain that any amount of decorating will disguise the fact that it is a) square and b) boring grey. But I'm looking forward to the challenge!

Inspiration on the Park & Ride

This is how I now view the internet:

This post contains two important lessons of the week:
1) I really never stop thinking about knitting
2) Everything looks better in my head

The bus company has clearly been having a rubbish week. The buses have been full and late and generally a bit rubbish. This has been my excuse for - when I finally get on a bus - just switching off and not doing any knitting. Any rumour that this is because my current bus project is the damned frog is entirely unfounded. Maybe partially unfounded. Okay, entirely founded.

Anyway, yesterday I actually got a seat and found myself staring at a rather interesting scarf. It was woven rather than knitted but the way the threads intertwined fascinated me. I've been thinking about something with dropped stitches for a while and all of a sudden I could picture a pseudo-checkered scarf with woven bits.

When I got home I waited only long enough to eat dinner and notice that the first series of Sherlock had arrived from Amazon. Then it was to hell with Winterthorn V3! To hell with my fascinator, my rainbow scarf and my sizergh scarf! It was time to try weaving dropped stitches!

About ten minutes into the first episode of Sherlock, it was obvious that it wasn't really working. By the time Watson was meeting with Mycroft I knew I needed a new plan.

See the woven sections? No? That's cause they're rubbish.

By the time I started the second episode I had an interesting but rather unoriginal-looking pattern that might actually work. Photos will probably follow on the weekend when I can get some decent light.

Am I the only one seeing little wheat sheaves?

So, the reason I was composing scarves on the bus? http://www.nimuyarns.co.uk/ and their flash sale on Friday that enticed me into breathtakingly beautiful yarn at 20% off. I managed to limit myself to two skeins: Torva and Aira (again, pictures to come on the weekend). I've found a pattern for the Torva but the Aira has such a stunning sheen and subtle colours that I want something a bit different to show it off.

Torva

Aira

Although it might not be the intricate woven plan I made on the bus, I think the new drop-stich sample might just work in the Torva. The more I think about it, the more I think that the woven idea might be fantastic in two colours. The only thing letting it down is the fact that the woven sections are so tightly packed that it's hard to distinguish them from the moss-stitch sections. There's something in it, I'm just not sure what.

See the woven sections now?

And the Torva? Well, if I can bring myself to wind that vivid blue skein into a ball, it's going to be my next bus project.

Frogs? What frogs?

A Taster Menu

"I'd quite like to listen to more radio comedy," my brother-in-law said on the weekend. Well, that's not an opportunity I can ignore!

There are two things - okay, maybe three things - that I feel passionate about to the extent that I try to convert unsuspecting friends. The two important ones are knitting and radio. On a good day, data is the third. I'll admit that I've had most luck with knitting.

So here's a chance to introduce someone to radio comedy and all the things I love about it. And, in true Radio 4 style, this has become a sort of Desert Island Discs-style challenge: What eight radio programmes would I pick to introduce someone to radio comedy? And, while we're at it, why are there no synonyms for comedy or programme that begin with D?

The rules for this thought experiment are straightforward: Pick eight programmes that showcase different aspects of radio comedy for a new listener. Each programme can be represented by just one series (not one episode, I'm not that hard on myself) and they must be broadcast on Radio 4 or 4 Extra (because where else are you going to get your radio comedy?).

The short list is a long one and difficult to narrow down.

It's easy to overlook staples like The News Quiz and I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue that I think we all take for granted as the backbone of radio comedy. The most interesting constraint as far as I can see is the fact that it has to be aimed at a new listener. Ed Reardon's Week cracks me up but is it a little too grumpy-radio-4 for a newcomer? Does Bleak Expectations take a bit too long to click? Where is the line between comedy and comedy-drama? Does it even matter?

More importantly, what are these key aspects of radio comedy that I feel I need to include? Something satirical, a panel show, something surreal, something that was translated into TV? Well, okay, the News Quiz ticks all those boxes at times but I think that may be cheating.

If people raise an eyebrow when I say I'm a radio 4 listener (something tha happens less and less now I'm in my thirties) it's always comedy that I use to respond. I list all the programmes that started on Radio 4 and made their way to TV. Sometimes they're surprised, mostly they just look at me like I'm a bit of a nut. But it always reminds me of the huge variety of comedy that Radio 4 produces.

I don't have my eight Desert Island Synonym-For-Comedy-Beginning-With-Ds yet, but I''m enjoying thinking about it and the sheer wealth of comedy that I have to pick from.

Kiss, Kiss, Hoofprint

Warhorses of Letters was the most unexpected and brilliant thing on Radio 4 last year. I'm still trying to find people that haven't heard it so I can tell them how much they really need to listen to it. So how is it that I haven't actually thought of googling it before? I don't know.

But now that I have, I've found this: http://unbound.co.uk/books/warhorses-of-letters 
I know that most of the tiny number of people that have found this blog have got here because of the knitting content but, if you want to read something really giggle-worthy funny, please check out the link and buy the book.

I heard a lot about Unbound when it launched but I hadn't actually checked out the books that were being funded. I didn't imagine there would be a Warhorses of Letters book though! I read down the list of funding options trying to work out whether there was any way I could possibly justify spending £85 to get an embroidered horse blanket. In the end I came to my senses and went for the practical option of the hardback but that has to be the absolutely most awesome promotional item ever.

I'm definitely going to be checking back into Unbound on a regular basis, hopefully there will be more fabulous books that I can help to fund. The idea of helping to bring a book into being is irresistible!

Continuity

I've been rambling far too much lately about my knitting and all those blog posts are spamming up everyone's Ravelry. Woops.

I've not been listening to quite as much radio as normal. Intensive knitting seems to lend itself to trawling through catchup TV and as a consequence I've fallen a bit behind with my normal listening. Fortunately, I have still caught Continuity for the last two weeks.

If I'm completely honest, the fact that it stars Alistair McGowan is probably the reason that I made an effort to listen. I was initially put off by the term "sitcom" (I don't know what else it could be called but someone must be able to think of something). But I'm very glad I stopped being an idiot and listened.

At first, I wasn't too sure the programme had begun. There's no continuity announcement at the start, or the end, just a seamless 15 minutes of Alistair McGowan as a lonely late-shift continuity announcer. It's fantastic and I wonder just how hard they had to work to persuade Radio 4 to leave off even a cast list at the end of the episode. I'm so glad they did. The fact that you can't quite be certain that Continuity has ended leaves you with a very different attitude to whatever comes next. Is it another announcement that PM is being moved to 11AM to fill the "news void"? Or is it for real? I don't think I've ever listened to a trail with such wariness.

Just how big do I think my head is?

Winterthorn 2 is blocked and wearable! I had some fun and games playing around with the camera this morning and here's the result:

I think I might try again with 32 photos rather than 16 because some didn't quite work out so well but hopefully it at least shows the way that the pattern of the thorns moves between the different sections.

When I started out, my favourite part was the design itself. Then I decided I preffered the border (especially on the first hat) but now I just like looking at the top of the hat and the way the eight sections come together (and not just because I was relieved to finally get to the decreasing!)

I've still got a lot of learning and practicing to do with stranded knitting but I'm still really happy with how this looks when I turn it inside out. That'll teach me to do it properly rather than just sort of working something out the way I used to.

Anyway, despite this being the second version and despite using smaller needles and annoyingly thin wool, the hat is still big! Not as big as the first but still bigger than I was imagining. Nonetheless, I wore the hat up to town and it didn't fly off, it kept my ears nice and warm and, best of all my sister was right: it didn't give me hat hair!

Not so fascinating

Today has been a day of knitting. I was absolutely intent on finishing Winterthorn 2 today and I have (thank you 4OD!). It's currently in the airing cupboard, stuffed with a towel. After reading some of the Ravelry comments on the lamented Zauberball I was getting paranoid about the dye running during blocking. There's nothing like delicious vanilla-cream coloured wool to bring out paranoid visions of bleeding dye. The water went a little brown but nothing more than I'd expect and I can already tell how much the drape is going to be improved by blocking. Unless I can distract myself tomorrow I think I'll be checking it hourly to see if it's dry and ready to wear! Then I just need to find a hat model for some photos.

Once the hat was finished I decided to take a shot at my fascinator on the basis that I needed to do some washing and I might as well do felting at the same time. I diligently wrote down all my rows and convinced myself that the rather odd shape might just about work if I stretched it in certain ways.



Could this look less like a fascinator?
Probably not

 Oh how wrong I was. I might get a photo of it tomorrow because the resulting felted.... thing is quite remarkable in its un-fascinator-ness. I soaked it. Twisted it. Turned it. Squished it. Folded it. But there's no way that charcoal-grey squiggle anemone is ever going to be a fascinator.

Well, I've learned some valuable lessons from it and I've got enough wool for another couple of attempts and I guess that's all that matters. On the plus side, the Fez looks amazing felted. If I can get something I'm even halfway happy with then it's going to look great. But judging by the first draft, halfway happy is still a long way off!

While the monstrosity was felting, I started sewing up Lilly the Frog for the Marine Cove community garden knitting. I've been knitting the various bits on the bus this week and I've got enough limbs, eyes and other boy parts to make up at least two. The pattern is not exactly professional standard but it gets the job done, which is all that matters and it's been exactly the quick and simple project that I've needed for dopey January mornings.

I've put off the sewing up and stuffing phase because it's not quite so bus-suitable and now I have to ask: how the hell do people knit toys for fun?! These things take longer to sew together than they did to knit in the first place! If I wanted to be doing this much sewing I'd be doing my quilting! I guess I hadn't noticed just how much stuff I do in the round now. Sewing up mini stockings for the Christmas sale seemed frustratingly time consuming and they only have two pieces. The frogs have eleven!

I know it's for a good cause and - hey, I volunteered, I've no right to complain - but I'm starting to fantasise about the seamless, mindless twirly skirt I should probably be cracking on with. Any project with a 99:1 knitting:sewing ratio is a win in my books.

On scarf yarns (a rant)

I'll start by saying that I have no problem with any particular scarf yarns, nor with the people that knit with them. I know a lot of people have knitted with scarf yarn and, if you have, this rant is not aimed at you, it's aimed at the current prevalence of scarf yarns. No offence is intended to anyone.

Now that's out of the way, on with the opinionated rant...

Over the last year, scarf yarns have become huge. Every yarn shop now carries several and I'm not going to argue that they don't have their place in the knitter's stash. However there's something that annoys me about scarf yarns and it's taken me a while to realise what it is.

It's just one word: scarf

This is not about scarves. I am a worryingly prolific scarf knitter. I have three whole racks of scarves in my house. No, this is about the idea that the yarn is for a scarf and only a scarf. Do we go nuts for kits? No we do not. I think we generally see them as a perfectly good gift for a novice knitter but, other than that, we're not interested. So what is it about the kit-without-needles that is Can Can or Kidsilk Creation that makes us suddenly feel the need to knit a scarf that is carbon-copy identical to a thousand other scarves that are out there?

I don't know, but I do know that I feel sad every time I see a ball of scarf yarn.

What I love about knitting, the thing that gets me truly passionate about the craft, is the sheer limitless scope of what you can create. Your imagination is the limit. Okay, there are scarves and hats and jumpers but also chair covers and shopping bags and ties and wooly covers for tanks and yarn bombing projects and knitted bike covers and who knows what else! That's the truly beautiful thing about a ball of yarn, it could become anything in the hands of a person with the vision to shape it.

Even the scarves and hats and gloves that are made to well-worn patterns will have the little personal touches. Maybe a little longer, a few beads, 2×2 rib, exotic stripes or beautifully blended colour. You could put something I've made next to someone else's project in exactly the same wool and I'd bet nine times out of ten I'd be able to spot which was mine.

What makes me sad about scarf yarn is the fact that - with a very few exceptions - that scarf yarn will be a scarf. It will be as wide as every other scarf. It will be as long as every other scarf. It will look like every other scarf.  Surely all yarn deserves a more ambiguous destiny?

Don't get me wrong, the overall effect and the yarns themselves are genius works of imagination. The luscious ripples of Can Can and the lacy, looping halo of Kidsilk creation are fascinating and unique.  The attempts at non-brand imitations go to show just how hard it is to get these yarns just right. But that's where the creativity ends in a sea of uniform scarves.

They may as well have come out of a factory because half the work and all the originality has already been produced for you in those factories.

So do I have anything good to say about scarf yarns? Yes, I do. I really, truly hope that the wide availability of scarf yarns and the dependability of the results help to introduce more people to knitting. I hope that people see that they can enjoy using their hands and their minds to create something that is all their own. I hope that they take that feeling of achievement and seek it out again and again. As most of our knitting group know to their cost, it doesn't take much to make a person into a yarn snob!

This rant has been on my mind for a while. I've been more and more annoyed at the ever increasing range in scarf yarns in all the shops. And at the ONE pattern that's suggested on Ravelry for kidsilk Creation. And at the identical scarves I see on the street.

And now, I've had enough. Scarf yarn has been on my mind for so long that it has become a challenge. It taunts me. It says: if you think you can do better then prove it.

I've bought a ball of Can Can and it's absolutely not going to be a scarf.

Slow progress

Knitting the first Winterthorn over Christmas seemed pretty quick. When you're doing nothing except watching animated family films and eating chocolate oranges I guess time flies. Now that I'm back at work and managing just a row or two per day, the second Winterthorn suddenly feels like very slow going. I must be over half way though as I've reached the section that's pale blue on the chart.

What's surprising me most is that I'm still really enjoying knitting this. The fact that it's not a repeating pattern means that it doesn't get boring, even if I can't get a lot done. Plus the beautiful colour shifts are looking fantastic.

The Zauberball hasn't got any thicker though, if anything it's actually getting thinner. As much as I love the squishy sublime, I couldn't have chosen a worse companion for the orange, they're about as different as two yarns allegedly of the same weight could possibly be.

Nonetheless, I just can't wait to wear this. Fun as my crazy sparkly hat is, I know I'm going to love this hat. Plus I'm pretty certain that the size is going to to be spot on - slouchy but snug.

Fascinating

Near work there's a sort of popup gallery. From what I can gather, it seems to be an empty shop that is let to artists right in the centre of Bristol. Aside from being a fantastic and inspiring idea in itself, the current exhibitors seem to have several fascinators in the window. I didn't look closely but they're eyecatching splashes of colour formed on quilted silky fabric.

I did a little hand felting before Christmas and it was enough to remind me of two things: 1) I love the effect of felted knitting, 2) I suck at felting. I've never managed to make things the right size when they're machine felted and I've never really been happy with the results of stuff I've tried. The other thing that's been on my mind lately is that I need to get better at colours, that was one of the motivations behind my Winterthorn projects.

As I looked at the shape of the fascinators in the shop window I knew I HAD to try to make a felted fascinator. Preferably in some exotic colour combination that I'd never normally look at. Once the idea was in my head, I couldn't get rid of it.

I'm trying to avoid going and buying yarn every time I get an idea for something I want to make. I'm sure that bad habit is responsible for at least 30% of my epic stash. In the back of my mind I'd been thinking Cascade 220 because you just can't beat those colours and I know it felts well. However, it's post-Christmas and that means sales. And I needed petrol and that means Cribbs Causeway. Sales + Cribbs Causeway + felting = John Lewis.

There wasn't a huge amount but I did buy three balls of Debbie Bliss Fez. The fact that it's merino and camel is just an irresistible combination. Unfortunately I've caved on the crazy colour combinations (at least for now) because the two I liked best were a charcoal grey/black and a light grey. Oh well, crazy colours can come later, the shape is the important thing for now.

So, despite really wanting to get my Winterthorn 2 finished, and very much hoping to get the Sizergh scarf moved on, I've started messing around with some shapes to felt. Of course, once I have something, I'm going to have to find several loads of washing to do at 40. And one of those combs for sticking a fascinator into hair.

Oh no it wasn't

On Sunday I walked into to town listening to "Oh No It Isn't... The News Quiz". I'm not sure what the people that passed me thought was wrong with me but I did get a few odd looks. It was extremely difficult to keep a straight face and, as I walked down the high street, I had to find a lot of excuses to cover up giggles.

I wasn't at all sure what to expect from a News Quiz pantomime, especially when I was feeling a little cheated out of a Christmas Now Show. But really, this wasn't exactly a News Quiz pantomime, more of a whole Radio 4 pantomime. Which is even better! The only part that felt a little awkward was the start and the concept that the whole thing was part of Sandi Toksvig's diary. Or maybe that's just because news readers doing acting can be unsettling. Not that there's anything wrong, for example, with Alice Arnold in the current David Copperfield dramatisation on 4 Extra but I do keep expecting Agnes Wickfield to launch into today's headlines. 

Once the initial premise was out of the way, Oh No It Isn't romped with reckless abandon through every mainstay of the Radio 4 schedule. It gleefully rolled up Desert Island Discs, Just a Minute, Feedback and many others and coated them in the fabulous nonsense of pantomime traditions. 

I do worry if there might be something a little odd about the Radio 4 audience though. We all love taking the piss out of the the hot air of You and Yours, the bickering of Moral Maze, Jeremy Hardy's singing talents and I don't think there's anyone that hasn't laughed at a good Quote Unquote joke over the years.  But if I heard any of this from outsiders, I'd loudly and vehemently point out the many ways in which they were wrong about the station - possibly with more synonyms than Nicholas Parsons - until they gave up the argument in desperation. This is the sort of comprehensive and affectionate mocking that only true lovers of Radio 4 can appreciate.

Maybe all fanbases are a little like this but I think there's something truly special about Radio 4 addicts and, for those of us who turn the radio on first in the morning and turn it off last at night, Oh No It Isn't felt like the best present under the festive radio tree. Like the gift you save for last, it was extremely well judged, exactly what we all wanted even though we never knew it and it clearly came from people who know us far, far too well.

Next hat, same as the first, a little bit smaller and a little bit.... less stripey?

Me: Look, I finished the hat
Sister: Wow, it looks great!
Me: Well, it's quite a bit bigger than I'd planned. I'm going to do another one on smaller needles.
Sister: No! It's perfect! Look, it fits me really well!
Me: Um... well you can have it if you want. On the condition that I can take lots of photos of you wearing it.

She was right, it really does suit her:

And that's why I have lots of photos of my sister wearing her new hat, which she loves! Quote: "It keeps my head warm and it doesn't give me hat hair". So I think that's a win!

Even so, I've started version two on 3.25mm needles as I want a hat for myself that is slouchy but not quite so big. If that doesn't work then I'll just do another blue one for myself with less rib and hope it sticks on my head as well as it does on my sister's.

The wool for the new hat came from Get Knitted last Friday where I spent far too much money on some amazingly soft Sublime 4ply (on sale!), some lovely stripey Zauberball and lots of sets of DPNs that I needed. Yes, needed.

I fell for the Zauberball because of the fantastic colour but I'll admit that I'm already having some doubts. For a start, how is this possibly 4ply? I was avoiding using some Jawoll Magic because it's 3ply and I'm sure that the Zauberball is no bigger. Plus I've become paranoid after reading the comments on Ravelry about splitting, knots and sudden colour changes. Nonetheless I've started the hat and, if anything, I'm a little surprised that the colour changes are so gradual. It's what I was looking for and I think it'll be fine for the main body of the hat but the border is looking pretty boring in all one colour. I think I'd probably try striping the border section from the inside and outside of a ball if I was going to do another in self-striping.

It's looking great so far and I'm forcing myself to go more slowly and take more care over my stranding and it's paying off. But the best thing so far is the lovely soft, squishy feel to the Sublime 4ply. I want to go back and buy the lot while it's on sale!

The other thing I bought at Get Knitted was some impossibly white alpaca silk from Blue Sky Alpacas. That's earmarked for my Sizergh scarf if, if and when this hat is done. I feel a lot happier now I've bought something suitably soft, my hand-spun just wasn't working out right unfortunately.

Now, if only one of those two projects was remotely suitable for bus-knitting...